Life lessons are not necessarily fun, In fact they can be down right hard and painful. I don't really like the process that I go through in learning what I need to learn when a life lesson presents itself to me. But I am trying to say "what can I learn from this." instead of "why me." Life lessons teach us spiritual maturity and I am all for more spiritual maturity. Being a caregiver for Mom has taught me some of these life lessons. I am not proficient in these skills but step by step I am learning.
Patience is a big one. Patience when I deal with the same question over and over again. Patience when I have to give up something I want to do and do something for Mom. Patience when I come home from a stressful day at work and tend to her immediate need to talk. Patience when she has something pressing she is doing and needs my help but doesn't ask for it. Patience when she struggles with the independence she is loosing and she doesn't realize that I am loosing mine too. Patience when she goes through my drawers to organize them or find something. Patience when she isn't feeling well because watching someone you love deal with this disease is painful. Patience when she is trying to remember a word and then waiting for her to find it. Patience with trying to find time for myself. Patience with watching her do something that I know I could do it five times faster..
In reflection - This is like being the mother of a young child again. I see that I am my mother's mother. Funny how life has a way of turning things around on you. Hummmm, is this what Heavenly Father goes through with us? Just when I thought I was so grown up.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
My Hubby
My husband has been an important part of caring for my mom in our home. He is home most days except when he substitutes for the local high schools. He gets her medication, takes her to lunch, orders out, or makes lunch, listens patiently, and generally watches over her. I so appreciate his willingness to provide the care that I can't give when I am at work.
This week I took vacation time so that I could be with my son, daughter-in-law and their children. My DIL had surgery on her back and I am helping care for her while she recovers. My hubby has been with Mom during this and hasn't complained one bit.
My husband planted a garden for Mom but we quickly recognized that she is unable to keep it up. She needs something off the ground but even then she may not be able to care for it daily. She tires easily and isn't able to remember if she has watered the plants or not. She loves to look at the pretty flowers we are now growing. The garden givers her something to look at besides grass.
We have some feral cats in the back yard which add to Mom's entertainment. She sometimes helps my husband feed them and then watches them play. She loves animals and misses her feral cats, chickens, and peacock.
He is patient, kind, considerate, gentle, understanding, caring, respectful, and an all around good guy. I really can't do this with out him. Thank you, Hubby!
This week I took vacation time so that I could be with my son, daughter-in-law and their children. My DIL had surgery on her back and I am helping care for her while she recovers. My hubby has been with Mom during this and hasn't complained one bit.
My husband planted a garden for Mom but we quickly recognized that she is unable to keep it up. She needs something off the ground but even then she may not be able to care for it daily. She tires easily and isn't able to remember if she has watered the plants or not. She loves to look at the pretty flowers we are now growing. The garden givers her something to look at besides grass.
We have some feral cats in the back yard which add to Mom's entertainment. She sometimes helps my husband feed them and then watches them play. She loves animals and misses her feral cats, chickens, and peacock.
He is patient, kind, considerate, gentle, understanding, caring, respectful, and an all around good guy. I really can't do this with out him. Thank you, Hubby!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
January came and gone.
It has been a long time since I updated this blog. I am on vacation this week and one of my goals was to catch up on the last month with mom.
We had a good Christmas although mom did have a slight melt-down on Christmas Eve. I believe it was the result of missing all her children, different surroundings, and lack of her own control to make things happen as she saw them in her mind. She cried, I believe, because of the unrealistic expectation of having all her children with her as we were little. She expressed that she "wanted it to be" as it used to be when she was a young mother - all of us around her knees. She was melancholy and depressed. I can understand since sometimes I wish that today as well BUT I wouldn't want to give up having my in-law children and grandchildren around my knees (some of the grandchildren are almost as tall as me now),
Mom has realized over the past month that she will not be returning home to live on her own. December 28th Mom went to the Barrow Neurological Institute to see if there were options to her treatment. She was hoping to receive help with adjusting her medications so that she could be made more comfortable. The movement in her head and body have become more obvious and bothersome. She swings her head back and forth and sometimes she is almost jumping instead of walking. It is a strange phenomenon that occurs. We talked with Dr. Lieberman who related that she is doing pretty well considering that she has had Parkinson's for eight to ten years. He made little changes in her medication.
The doctor indicated that Mom could no longer live alone. It is a risk to her safety, he said. He explained that if she were to fall and break her hip that we, meaning the whole family, would feel bad and regret that we weren't there to prevent it from happening. He went on to say that she may fall anyway but that if it happened in our own home we would feel better about the fact that we had taken all the precautions and would be able to respond quicker. Mom said she had come to the same conclusion just a week previous.
The doctor tested Mom's memory and related that she could undergo other memory tests that would be more conclusive. It was his opinion, that the results of his office test would be the same as a more rigorous test that could take three hours to complete. His conclusion is that Mom has Parkinson's Disease Dementia (PDD), For example, she knew the president's name but not what day it was. She also had a hard time making sense of metaphors. The doctor ordered a couple of tests to be done and asked her to come back in a couple of months. Our next appointment is February 7th.
When the family was made aware that the doctor recommended that Mom not live alone there was mixed feelings. Some of the family felt that she should be able to live alone as long as she felt she could. My thought is that when someone is unable to make decisions related to their personal safety such as - taking their medications at appropriate times and knowing difference between long-acting pill and short-acting pills; being able to make sense of time; and other things related to her judgement abilities - it is time to have her/him live with someone. At times, the result of her trying to make decisions about daily living only confuses her more and creates anxiety which then escalates her frustration. She currently can not take her medications without someone physically handing them to her, on most days. She fell again yesterday and luckily it didn't result in any bruises or fractures. Her physical limitations of weakness and uncontrolled movement can result in balance problems which is also a reason she can not live alone.
A couple of relatives felt that Mom could live in her home with someone who would rent the room in her basement. They thought that maybe that person would be willing to provide a level of care for Mom that would be in exchange of their rent. I say absolutely not. First of all, where are you going to find a saint that would take this on and not resent the situation after a couple of weeks. Secondly, the person may have motives that could result in manipulation and exploitation. This and many other thoughts come to my mind that do not make this a possibility.
Mom says that she doesn't want to live alone any more. She is more comfortable with family being available to talk to and to help her reason out what she is thinking. It takes a lot of patience to help her through these times. She can get angry and sometimes throws a temper-tantrum. She usually recognizes that she is out of control and quickly apologizes.
Well, that is it for now. I hope to update more later in the week. Much more to share.
We had a good Christmas although mom did have a slight melt-down on Christmas Eve. I believe it was the result of missing all her children, different surroundings, and lack of her own control to make things happen as she saw them in her mind. She cried, I believe, because of the unrealistic expectation of having all her children with her as we were little. She expressed that she "wanted it to be" as it used to be when she was a young mother - all of us around her knees. She was melancholy and depressed. I can understand since sometimes I wish that today as well BUT I wouldn't want to give up having my in-law children and grandchildren around my knees (some of the grandchildren are almost as tall as me now),
Mom has realized over the past month that she will not be returning home to live on her own. December 28th Mom went to the Barrow Neurological Institute to see if there were options to her treatment. She was hoping to receive help with adjusting her medications so that she could be made more comfortable. The movement in her head and body have become more obvious and bothersome. She swings her head back and forth and sometimes she is almost jumping instead of walking. It is a strange phenomenon that occurs. We talked with Dr. Lieberman who related that she is doing pretty well considering that she has had Parkinson's for eight to ten years. He made little changes in her medication.
The doctor indicated that Mom could no longer live alone. It is a risk to her safety, he said. He explained that if she were to fall and break her hip that we, meaning the whole family, would feel bad and regret that we weren't there to prevent it from happening. He went on to say that she may fall anyway but that if it happened in our own home we would feel better about the fact that we had taken all the precautions and would be able to respond quicker. Mom said she had come to the same conclusion just a week previous.
The doctor tested Mom's memory and related that she could undergo other memory tests that would be more conclusive. It was his opinion, that the results of his office test would be the same as a more rigorous test that could take three hours to complete. His conclusion is that Mom has Parkinson's Disease Dementia (PDD), For example, she knew the president's name but not what day it was. She also had a hard time making sense of metaphors. The doctor ordered a couple of tests to be done and asked her to come back in a couple of months. Our next appointment is February 7th.
When the family was made aware that the doctor recommended that Mom not live alone there was mixed feelings. Some of the family felt that she should be able to live alone as long as she felt she could. My thought is that when someone is unable to make decisions related to their personal safety such as - taking their medications at appropriate times and knowing difference between long-acting pill and short-acting pills; being able to make sense of time; and other things related to her judgement abilities - it is time to have her/him live with someone. At times, the result of her trying to make decisions about daily living only confuses her more and creates anxiety which then escalates her frustration. She currently can not take her medications without someone physically handing them to her, on most days. She fell again yesterday and luckily it didn't result in any bruises or fractures. Her physical limitations of weakness and uncontrolled movement can result in balance problems which is also a reason she can not live alone.
A couple of relatives felt that Mom could live in her home with someone who would rent the room in her basement. They thought that maybe that person would be willing to provide a level of care for Mom that would be in exchange of their rent. I say absolutely not. First of all, where are you going to find a saint that would take this on and not resent the situation after a couple of weeks. Secondly, the person may have motives that could result in manipulation and exploitation. This and many other thoughts come to my mind that do not make this a possibility.
Mom says that she doesn't want to live alone any more. She is more comfortable with family being available to talk to and to help her reason out what she is thinking. It takes a lot of patience to help her through these times. She can get angry and sometimes throws a temper-tantrum. She usually recognizes that she is out of control and quickly apologizes.
Well, that is it for now. I hope to update more later in the week. Much more to share.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Just Like Heather
This afternoon I was repeating to Mom something I had told her several times. She noticed I was frustrated and said "just think of me like Heather." Heather is my neice who is developmentally handicapped. This brought a smile to my face. It does make me think about the way I respond.
Holiday Stress
"It's the most wonderful time of the year," normally but when things seem abnormal it is stressful. Mom is exhibiting stressful behavior. She has been making piles. I have come into her room and on her bed are piles of paper she has collected. She stacks them and then a few minutes later they are shifted into different piles. When I got home on Friday, after a long day at work, she had piles on her bed and related that she was trying to get her Christmas cards sent. Mom was so anxious that I sat right down with her and helped her figure out who she wanted to send the cards to and what she wanted to write. She had wrote one or two cards herself and said that she didn't think they made much sense. I looked at them and could tell that she was having a hard time. She wrote in a circular pattern around the edges of the card - not organized but in a random way. She related that she was having a hard time writing. So we sat and I wrote for her. We got the cards done and this seemed to calm her down.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Just like a baby
I took Mom to see the Christmas lights at the Mesa Temple tonight. On our way home Mom said "this is like taking your baby for a ride to put them to sleep." We laughed but it is a little like walking backwards - now I am the parent and she is the child, in some ways, but she will always be my Mom. How I love her for all the times she must have put me to sleep and watched over me. She paid it forward. Now it is my turn to give back.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A New Adventure
Mom came to live with us about three weeks ago. Our life has changed. We have been empty-nesters for the past six years. Mom has Parkinson's Disease and I have brought her here to Arizona to see a neurologist at Barrows Neurological Institute. Her appointment is at the end of this month. We are excited to see if there are any things we can do to help her on this journey, to bring her more comfort and quality of life.
This last year has brought a lot of changes in Mom's disease process. She has more balance problems and has fallen several times, once with severe consequences - a broken wrist. Mom's memory has been affected and makes it hard for her to remember when and which medications she should be taking. Mom has had Parkinson's now for the past eight to ten years and as I talk with mom we think that it could be possible that she started symptoms even earlier. This past year she has had problems with hallucinations but we think we have that figured out - she can't take too much carbadopa-levadopa (Sinemet). I now have taken over the responsibility, with the help of my husband, to make sure Mom takes the right amount at the right time. This was hard on Mom - she didn't want to give up the ability to take her own medication. She feels that she is losing her independence - and sadly, she is. I try to explain that I am not doing this to take things away from her but to enable her to have less stress because remembering when and what to take was causing her a great deal of stress. We have found that STRESS is one of the worst things that can happen to Mom because it brings on more anxiety which affects her Parkinson's symptoms causing confusion, increases nervousness, and depression.
Sometimes Mom and I have to laugh at the funny things that happen. She sometimes flings things around when she is talking with her hands, like, when she is eating and she has a spoon in her hand. Don't get her excited because that spoon starts to fly around as she points and expresses herself. She has a hard time holding her head up when I am doing her hair and she starts to laugh when I push her head back and then it goes right back to where it was and she says "I can't help it. It has a mind of its own." We smile when she can't remember a word and we play a guessing game to figure out what she is trying to say. We do try to make light of these changes.
I decided this would be a good way to keep family and friends up to date on Mom's progression and to give me a way to process my fears, frustrations, experiences, and to give a forum to you all to help me as I make this journey with my Mom. We don't know what will come but we are hopeful that Mom will find some comfort with family and friends surrounding her and helping her on this road.
This last year has brought a lot of changes in Mom's disease process. She has more balance problems and has fallen several times, once with severe consequences - a broken wrist. Mom's memory has been affected and makes it hard for her to remember when and which medications she should be taking. Mom has had Parkinson's now for the past eight to ten years and as I talk with mom we think that it could be possible that she started symptoms even earlier. This past year she has had problems with hallucinations but we think we have that figured out - she can't take too much carbadopa-levadopa (Sinemet). I now have taken over the responsibility, with the help of my husband, to make sure Mom takes the right amount at the right time. This was hard on Mom - she didn't want to give up the ability to take her own medication. She feels that she is losing her independence - and sadly, she is. I try to explain that I am not doing this to take things away from her but to enable her to have less stress because remembering when and what to take was causing her a great deal of stress. We have found that STRESS is one of the worst things that can happen to Mom because it brings on more anxiety which affects her Parkinson's symptoms causing confusion, increases nervousness, and depression.
Sometimes Mom and I have to laugh at the funny things that happen. She sometimes flings things around when she is talking with her hands, like, when she is eating and she has a spoon in her hand. Don't get her excited because that spoon starts to fly around as she points and expresses herself. She has a hard time holding her head up when I am doing her hair and she starts to laugh when I push her head back and then it goes right back to where it was and she says "I can't help it. It has a mind of its own." We smile when she can't remember a word and we play a guessing game to figure out what she is trying to say. We do try to make light of these changes.
I decided this would be a good way to keep family and friends up to date on Mom's progression and to give me a way to process my fears, frustrations, experiences, and to give a forum to you all to help me as I make this journey with my Mom. We don't know what will come but we are hopeful that Mom will find some comfort with family and friends surrounding her and helping her on this road.
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