The New Normal

I have been reading a book by Gail Sheehy called "Passages In Caregiving."  I am learning a lot and the first thing that struck me was her thought about "the new normal."  Things will never be the same for Mom or, for that matter, the rest of the family.  So we need to create a "new normal."  This has been hard for Mom and me.  She tries to re-create some of life experiences she had when she was "normal."  Examples - she wants to paint again like she did 40 years ago but doesn't feel the "inspiration."  She wants to garden like she did several years ago but she can't find the energy or ability to be on her knees or even sit long enough to tend to the weeds.  I try to explain to her that she will need to let go of things like they use to be and try to experience the things that she can do.  I suggest she start drawing on a sketch pad with pencil or color pencils.  She then says the "colors aren't the same as they use to be."  I then drop the subject because it becomes to frustrating for her and for me.  I am finding it hard to create a "new normal" that is comfortable for her and me.  It is a struggle and that is the "new normal."

I struggle with her memory all the time.  She needs constant reassurance and I have to tell her about events over and over.  She tends to get events mixed up in her mind even when we sit with a calendar and try to explain when things are happening.  She gets mad thinking I am keeping things from her when I have told her several times in days past but she has forgotten.  When this happens I change the subject and hope for a better time to explain.

I don't want this to sound like everything is hard all the time.  It isn't.  We laugh at things she comes up with -like the other day when she said that her bra is getting to big so she stuffed it with Kleenex.  She went on to say that it didn't work because the Kleenex fell out.  She did say I could share that, if you are wondering.